Imagine climbing into bed at midnight, aware of all the blessings around you. Your significant other is to your left, safe, relaxed, and happy after pushing through another busy day. You take a deep breath and exhale all of yesterdays worries. You've done it. You've survived another day. You close your eyes and everything is still and silent. You feel yourself drifting to sleep.
But then the static begins. Neuropathy.
You kick your legs out from the covers and instinctively brush them off, ensuring there aren't really a million ants crawling up your skin. But the sensation lingers anyway. The burning sensations then flow throughout your lower back, your hips, your thighs, all the way down to your ankles. So you flex. You tighten every lower muscle you can hoping that the static and the pain would just stop.
As your muscle relaxers begin to kick in, every joint becomes loose and unstable. You turn yourself in bed and gasp in pain as you feel your hips pop, followed by your SI joint. Under your breath you mumble, "How the hell can this be happening?" How is it that the simple act of turning in bed can cause this much pain? So you flex again, as your body is aching telling you that you need to stretch. But something in your body cracks again. Pain.
And so your nightly routine begins. You wiggle and weave your way through the blankets in hopes of finding any position where your legs won't burn. The main position that helps is one that would put most yoga gurus to shame. You are finally comfortable, but no one in their right mind could fall asleep in such a way. So you take more meds in hopes of falling asleep soon, cursing yourself for relying on pain meds for comfort.
Finally, you're able to rest.
Somehow it's already 2 a.m. and you wake still burning, still kicking each and every way searching for relief. But in a way you are relieved. You got two hours of rest. Imagine this, even a year ago you would have been in bed rocking back and forth crying out in desperation to get more than two hours of sleep. But now...now you're quite used to it. The pain stabbing at every pore from your toes to your hips. Some early mornings you'll take a bath (or three). Other mornings you'll move to the couch. And you found your most recent coping mechanism of pacing around the house.
3 a.m. - Let's try this again. Finally, sleep.
4 a.m. - You are awakened by more popping joints and you again strive to get comfortable in bed. You groan and massage whichever joint has decided to wake you.
5 a.m. - Neuropathy.
6 a.m. - Pain.
7 a.m. - Finally restful sleep.
9 a.m. - You wake up barely feeling rested, but entirely happy to see that your significant other has brought you coffee. So you try to sit up but your body feels entirely too heavy. Your S.O. has to help you sit up, fighting your body which is now stiff and uncooperative.
Imagine this happening every single night. Imagine waking to a world that doesn't understand why you're so fatigued. Imagine them comparing their exhaustion to yours. Does it anger you? Do you have enough energy to try to explain?
No. Unless you know exactly what it's like, save your energy. You've got a whole day ahead of you, a whole day to fight.
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